If You Go Down To The Woods Yesterday.....

Pushing the Button of the Volcano

As the wind chills and the rain reconsiders it's imminent downpour, Anoh paces unevenly between the empty orbits of decadency in his employers castle.  He has been invited for a few hours of his time away from work to the home of the devil himself.

"Anoh my friend.  Here the finest whisky this side of my collection"

As the poorly levelled glasses exchanged hands, Anoh's mind raced between the drinks selection.
Is the finest whisky on the other side of the collection?
Or maybe it's in the middle, propped up by book ends of inequivalent alcohol.

"The reason for your invitation tonight is to let you know, I think you are doing a good job at work".

"Thank you sir", Anoh replied with his head slightly bowed as to not having to prolong the prostituting praise coming his way.

"Pretty good whisky wouldn't you say"? the employer bellowed.
Anoh hummed a disgruntled response.  "mmm".

The employer was a man of vanity wealth.  He was a man secomed to style.  His years of lip service to the 'Lords of Industry' had left him with a rash.  A rash which he could not or more likely would not control.
Anoh could rapidly see where this out of office dead space was heading.

The employers over indulged finger began pointing at some of the numerous photos scattered across the walls.  "Here is my beautiful wife and I in San Sebastian four years ago.  And here we are in Port of Spain with the kids just last year".

An awkward silence tip-toed it's way across Anoh's lips before he reluctantly released;

"There must be at least fifty photo's of you and your family in this room alone".

The employer smunted vibrations from his nasal and strode towards the large single glassed window.

Anoh began to envision why this meeting had taken place.  Murmurs in between his eyes said;
"He's just parading what he thinks success is, and what it can lay at your feet".
The thoughts in Anoh's skull began to swirl.
"All men do it.
Desperate to empower their manhood over the things they do and have done, to prove to themselves more than anyone, that they.........are...........men"!
The sense of anger, rage, frustration, quickly settled into that of pity, cloaked in a veil of sadness over what Anoh saw in the employer.

As the employer catalogued his words of wisdom by the enclosed window, Anoh's internal reason began a carnival of conversation while his head statically nodded supposed response towards the employer.

"Why do we do it?
Why do we dress up in vanity in order to please our egos?
Why give attention to the ego?
It's only what it wants us to do.
There's having confidence in our own abilities, but to fantasise over becoming a "Super-God" or relying too vestedly on self opinion is heartbreaking.
Are we that insecure within ourselves we allow loss of control?
We allow others to pull reigns on our insecurities in order for our fevered inner praise to see-saw what we feel is honest, unbalancing the super-powers of emotion.
Unbalancing the way only a see-saw can."

As the clock ticked a minute forward, Anoh felt like it had retreated by three, in the same space.
It was getting late.  Whatever that means.

"I should really head off NOW"

Anoh re vibrated out of his circus-state mind.

"Oh, very well.  Maybe next time I'll show you the rest of the place.  Plenty more family photos everywhere" jested the employer.

At this point, the thought entered Anoh that maybe the employer didn't have a family.
That this evening was just a charade for his manhood.
He had hadn't seen or heard anybody else.
It was getting late and the situation seemed a little odd.
Then a phrase excreted it's way from the employers shit-ridden mouth to Anoh's bullshit detecting ears.

"You know Anoh, if you keep it up, this could all be yours as well".

Even the most passive of people will have a button that if pushed with the correct or incorrect finger, (depending on how you look at it) will lose balance of all their control and vesuviusise amongst their surroundings.

This moment had arrived for Anoh.

"I DO NOT WANT ANYTHING WHICH YOU HAVE OR CLAIM TO HAVE!

WHEN I THOUGHT YOU WERE FLASHING YOUR EGO OVER THE PLACE, I DIDN'T REACT.  MEN HAVE BEEN OVERSTATING THEIR SO CALLED ACHIEVEMENTS SINCE THE BEGINNING.

BUT NOW YOU ASSUME THAT THE LIMITATIONS YOU FEEL WITHIN YOURSELF CAN BE MINE, IF I KEEP AT IT!

NO FUCKIN THANK YOU!

I AM HERE TO BE ME, TO BE ME!

I DON'T WANT OR NEED ANYBODY ELSE'S DREAMS, INDECISION'S, EGOS.

I DON'T WANT YOUR LIFE"!

As lava engulfed the room, Anoh's annoyance at not being able to keep his cool infiltrated his mind.
"Am I letting my ego take over by screaming those words"?

Before he could delve further into these thoughts, Anoh resurfaced, as pure as he could be.

"If it is for style, it will ultimately fail, decay, tack itself upon purity.

If it is for the necessity to breathe, it will outlive eternity."

"I quit".

A brief frequency of silence re-entered the room before the employer erupted.

"Go on, get out of here you little ungrateful shit".

A colossal range of expletives poured out of the employers fire powered mouth.

As Anoh calmly stepped away, the employers technicoloured language were muted by the deep steady breathing emanating from Anoh's being.

A final stream of words entered Anoh's plane of innerself.

"A questionable presence is overvaluing it's position on the ground.
Semi-swift upon travelling between one space and the next.
It does not rest, recover, breathe or live.
It devours, like a machine.
I am not a machine.
I am me".

A Note to the Brain

Dear Gravitational Brain Cell

You orbit around the problem and the solution.
Teasing any thought,
be it under or above.
My body turns left
yet you rotate me East.

If I wonder upon an understandable path,
you vegetate the smooth to rough.
The sun that gives,
burns away what it is.
The thunder that stalks,
makes more sense when it talks.

BOOM!
FUCK!
BOOM!
FUCK!
BOOM!
FUCK!
 

If my next excursion
leads me to the bottom of the deep blue sea
or to the sky,
parted and wide,

There must be an excavation
digging behind the fossils
to re-discover,
to uncover,
the brain's secret lover
and seek out where it hides.

HOLIDAY ABOVE THE SUN

This summer I went to the heart of the Milky Way.

Needing to get away, it seemed like the most ideal of destinations.

Orbiting around the super massive black hole that is the cataclysm and genesis of everything I experience back home……………………It’s oh so quiet.

I can feel the silence breathing down my neck.  Yet there is a thunderous vibration, echoing through my usually fragile skeleton.

Is it the lack of voices, constantly elevating their opinions onto me that re-enforces my framework to mirror the structure of the Grand Canyon?

Or does gravity somehow correct my back to experience the weightlessness of the fabric we all walk?

Whatever it is, I feel at bliss.

I do not understand the word bliss. 

What is it meant to mean?

I think I experienced it.

Orbiting to my left, above the vacuum of the unknown that spirals to my right, the clogs in my head begin to unravel.  The red chains are loosened and now it is up to me and me alone to unwind them from my forever clustered system.

The positives and negatives back home become a distant worry;

Which direction am I heading?

Why is the word dysfunctional so functional?

Will Arsene bring in the right players?

Some players?

ANY players!?

All in the main irrelevant to where I currently levitate.

That’s not denying or resisting the dilemmas that arise every time that big hot ball of life rears its ugly head. 

It is, dare I say, viewing the ultimately bigger picture.

Like looking at the moon or the stars from a telescope back home.  Or looking down at the ants seemingly take an eternity to reach a destination that would take me two steps.

There it is! 

The reason to go on holiday is to get away from current surroundings and situations to regenerate yourself.  To allow your mind the chance to relax. 

Now I'm relaxed.

The silence behind my neck has turned into goosebumps of excitement.  

The need to hear other voices gathers pace.  Like a build up to a brand new season, a Dylan gig, or the oven timer going off signaling that something is ready.

I'm ready.

The Milky Way looks small now.

The stars look like ants.

Home is getting closer and closer.

Welcome - No Expectations

Looking around the room, everything is camouflaged against itself; books, records, CDs, DVDs, musical instruments, the few scatterings of furniture, a pair of binoculars to keep two eyes on the moon (the space beyond that remains a telescopes breath away). A standard 21st century living space, couldn't really ask for more or less. This is the basis of my operation.

I’m not really one for talking about myself, but I feel it my responsibility to make known my perspective on the world around me and the vessels of creativity, thoughts and ideas that are encountered along the way.  After all isn’t that all we can give?

 If it’s painting, photography, a film, a new tune or just a textual rambling, it’s an expression of the vessels that have docked with our inside selves and explored below and above our consciousness.

I don’t expect people to read this.  Don’t expect anything of anyone.  But there will be films, paintings, music and rambles galore, purely for the self-satisfaction of doing what I can in the space-time that is available to me.